Hello lads! I'm a stable kind of chap, who likes nothing more than golfing where the golf balls are actually hedgehogs. The first thing people usually notice about me is my considerate personality, closely followed by my smashing elbows. My life goals include: staring in the next Star Wars film and becoming a quasi-medieval herbalist.
No, wait, explain it to me again. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. I think. So, people just put them everywhere? Anyone can do it? It seems a bit strange to me, honestly. What are they called again? Right, right... Memes. I'll get the hang of them one day.
You know what I love most in life? Rubber. Ducks. If you haven't seen my collection — my favorites are green rubber duck #124 and classic yellow rubber duck #20 — you absolutely must tell me, so I can take you to the underground vault where I go every day to dust and polish them.
I don't know why everyone calls me Ashima, it's not my name! My first name is actually Lasya — I swear it's not that hard to get right. Though I enjoy singing a capella, my real goal is to create a hot new startup where you can order fancy cheese platters that look like various emojis.
When I'm not busy being Whiter president, it usually falls to me to defend the innocent using my hidden identity: The Basso Profondo. With my deep, air-quaking voice, I can stop criminals more than 3 meters away, causing them to enter a deep swoon. It also has the unintended side effect of doing the same to the victim, though...
If you haven't met my twin brother, Daniel #2, you really ought to! He's a pretty swell guy.
Why am I Daniel #2? D:
When I'm not arranging music, I enjoy spending my free time attending to my personal rainbow pony named Charlie. I also quite enjoy watching movies! My favorites include Hair, Hairspray, Tangled, and Good Hair.
Have you ever considered that you may not be a person, but, in fact, a minature raccoon? I certainly have, and I can't wait to talk to you about my theory! Don't have time to chat? No problem! Just pick up a copy of my latest book in select stores across the United States: "How and Why You Are, In Fact, A Miniature Raccoon."
Just so you know, before we get started with all this, my ideal date would be hiking in the Alps, chased by someone wearing a Babadook costume -- but covered in peanut butter. Now, let's get down to business: Yes, I do believe I have a spiritual connection to the Jack-in-the-Box on E Colorado that transcends space and time, but, no, Shakespeare was not abducted by aliens.
I warned you this would happen. Now the time has come, and chaos rules the world. The very fabric of this universe has been unwoven; people can be turned into gooses, the Curiosity rover has a friend on Mars, and both Daniels are now brothers!
Please help me. I don't know how I got here. They just keep telling me to hit high notes, over and over and over. Every day, at 7 a.m. and 3 p.m., I get a platter of food pushed underneath the door with a note, "Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Haleluuu."
Hey. Hey, you. Yeah, you. Wanna buy a... funnel cake? Yeah, you heard me: a funnel cake. I got 'em all right 'ere in my food truck. Ones with chocolate, ones with powdered sugar, ones with berries, anythin' you want! They're affordable too. All I'm askin' for is a small portion of your soul!
Hello! You can call me RR for Rocket Richard — it's always been my goal in life to be an astronaut and become best friends with the Curiosity Rover! One day, once we've walked together across Mars, maybe we'll explore the cosmos together, just me and him to the end of time.
Every other Tuesday, I go to the beach and write messages with the hope that one day my true love will read them and find me there waiting. In the event he doesn't, however, my backup plan is to finish my death ray and take over the world from my secret headquarters on the Moon.
When life gets you down, just remember one thing: Somewhere, in the world, there's a bisexual Finnish woman who wants to pursue her dreams of being a sous chef. She grew up in working class neighborhood, surrounded by her loving family -- and though her current relationship has been driving her to near insanity, she'll soon find the path to success during a road trip to Pamukkale in Turkey. I'm sorry, what were we talking about again?
A wise wizard once said, 'Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.' With that in mind, I decided to become an undercover operative for the FBI. Little does OoC know, I'm actually investigating an infraction of tax code 1092-A subsection 31-alpha that this group is party to.
I've come from distant shores, crossed mountains, deserts, oceans, and fought for my life a thousand times. At long last, I've arrived at the chosen place, the one true source of power. "Welcome to Pollo Loco. May I take your order?"